Saturday, November 19, 2011

Friday Morning

It's 5:15am. The last time I was up this late was probably spent pulling an all-nighter for a final exam in my university days. I'm enjoying Fall/Winter staycation in my home city looking after my grandma and the house while my parents are away on a hot and sunny Carribean cruise.

While the weather forecast online states the the day will be sunny, looking outside at this ungodly hour, there is snow. Snow around my birthday in my books is always considered too early. But while I don't have to stress about trekking in it to get to work at this moment, watching it fall through my window is rather calming.

Much like the peacefulness I've been feeling inside. I just turned 30. The big "three-oh". I can't believe it myself that I'm already here. Where I am in life is not exactly what I've pictured it, and frankly, I've wasted a good couple of years in my late 20's frettin' about where I'll be. Uncertainty has always been uneasy. I just realized that this is true for as long as I can remember.

I just spent a good few hours (thanks to the two cups of tea I drank earlier at Kat's that has left me totally wired...) cleaning up my room. I thankfully do not qualify for the TV show, "Hoarders", but I shamefully admit that I'm a pack rat. For the most part, I don't live in the past... but when I can pull out a piece of memory and laugh about it, I usually want to keep it forever and ever.

I just found a four page booklet that I made for myself. I made a checklist (with check boxes drawn in) of what to bring to my cousin, Karen's, house for our sleepover. I must have been about ten at the time. Also inclusive was a list of games we will play. Followed by "side notes" to myself to always be polite, remember to ask my uncle for a ride home, and remember to make my bed in the morning.

Everything for me is planned. And I worked really hard at keeping things in order. I see this is true through all my school work that I've kept from kindergarten through pharmacy school.

So, after graduating and starting work, and after a period of pure freedom living on my own and enjoying a constant roll-in of paychecks, I've come to a point where the most frequent question for myself was, "What now?".

People around me are getting married and having kids. Even buying houses that I cannot afford. I cannot help but feel a... twang. That's the order of things, no?

The forecast said it should be sunny. It may or may not be. It's not always predictable. And at this moment, there is snow. Although unexpected but also somewhat expected at the same time, the snow... as much as I find a nuisance nowadays when I need to find my way to work in it... this moment, it's beautiful.

Just as my life- not always predictable, will be.

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